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"You get what you expect." This one phrase has been the source of an
important lesson lately. As my husband Michael and I move forward
with building our new home, we've been hearing a lot of horror stories from
those who've been through the process. As a matter of fact, as soon
as we mention that we're building, most people will express sympathy,
convinced that the experience will involve a considerate amount of pain and stress.
Early in the process, I allowed these remarks to affect me. I found
myself expecting to be taken advantage of, expecting to be
disappointed, or expecting to be surprised by unforeseen costs. I also expected that town officials and contractors would be uncooperative. So, as luck would have it, I began to prove myself right. The cost of our well turned out to be twice what we expected, our house site needed to be moved, and I received a letter from town officials requesting our presence at a "review board" meeting. Ugh.
Every morning I woke up feeling like I had to prepare for battle.
After a month of stress and worry (and driving Michael crazy), I finally
realized that I was faced with a choice. I could either go into this project
expecting a fight, or I could see it as a spiritual practice -- a
chance to meet fear with faith, defensiveness with a firm belief that others
had our best interests in mind, and an opportunity to train myself to
expect the best.
I chose the latter. As a result, I started to attend planning
meetings with a whole different attitude -- one of gratitude and respect for
what others had to say. I let go of my need to be in control and allowed
myself to learn from those who were familiar with the process. I
made a point to see every single contractor -- from the man who would dig our foundation, to the electrician who would wire our home -- as a
talented professional with an important role in the process. And, when things didn't turn out the way we hoped, I used it as an opportunity to
exercise my faith by affirming that "God must have something better planned."
Our expectations play a significant role in what shows up in our
lives. And, when they're fear-based, they're fueled by a tremendous amount of emotional energy that only gives them more power. As a result, here's
what happens:
~*~ If you expect to be disappointed, you probably will be
~*~ If you expect to be "ripped off," there's a good chance you'll
attract people who will take advantage of you
~*~ If you expect your interactions with others to be a struggle,
*your* attitude is likely to make this happen
The good news is that the opposite is also true:
~*~ If you expect to be met with kindness, you probably will be
~*~ If you expect yourself to handle setbacks with grace and ease,
you'll tend to do so
~*~ If you expect that people will do their best, they will usually
rise to the occasion
Having positive expectations doesn't mean that you should act
foolishly or with blind faith. It's important to do your homework. But, I can
assure you that approaching a situation with a positive attitude will make
the process a whole lot easier. Since I've changed my behavior,
contractors are more relaxed in my company. Now, we're all invested in the same goal
-- making each other's job easier and creating the best possible
result. I've also begun to really enjoy the process of creating a
soul-nurturing home.
How about you? What are you facing right now that requires a shift in
your expectations?
-- Source Unknown
"You Get What You Expect."
"There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success."
-- George Adams, philosopher
Hans Christian Andersen, Cher, Tom Cruise, Albert Einstein, Whoopie Goldberg, Greg Louganis, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Gen. George S. Patton, are (were) all dyslexics.
